Whether it is at face value with first impressions, or whether it is taking the time to sit and talk to someone. Why is it that i seem to be placed on the side lines? Maybe its the type of people im meeting, or maybe its just me? I assume that if i have had the courage and the audacity to come and say “Hey hello. Im Alycia and this is me…” that that person might have the decency to sit and listen to what i have to say. Instead i find myself opening up to be shut down.
Another issue that doesnt really matter anymore but i feel like i need to get out of my head, is that i feel like the people i know and who i let myself be faceless for, dont want me around. Do i easily bore you? Am i not that “cool” to be friends with your friends too? I lived in a house where i felt like i was a guest for a month…I felt like i had to tiptoe around my best friends. I felt like i had to ask to be a part of their outings and their fun, but you know what - i never asked. I just didnt do anything.
FUCK When does there come a time when you feel included in anything? When is it that you find a place where you belong?
You could ask me anything about myself and i couldn’t tell you. What does that say about me?
You'll know that this is about you - but you wont say anything at all
I think your beautiful! Iv known you for a long time but i dont really know you at all. I am sure that you would think you know me though. The sad thing is you dont, and you never tried to get the chance to. I was definitely never given the opportunity to get to know you. I used to see you every week and talk to you online, but thats all it is. I get so lit up when i see you and say hey and hug you because i think maybe, today/tonight he will give me the time to just sit and talk to ME. Maybe tonight i would be the one that would catch your eye and you would want to take me home. Instead, you push me away when a girl comes close. One of the most heartbreaking things is that youv actually done that - pushed me away and turned your back to me. You may think we are close enough friends to do that, but we arent. Its still rude, its still distasteful and it still slaps me in the face. Iv been angry at you before, drunk - but i bet i had some awesome points to make.
You have also made me happy. I can only remember 2 moments in the time we have known each other. The first time, one night you genuinely told me i looked beautiful and that i always do. The other was a day we went skating. I got to be with you and just be. No drama, no bitches. Every other time i have seen you i end up less happy than i was in the moment before i said hello to you.
I just dont see what is so repulsing that you cant sit and talk to me. All i ever wanted was for you to see me.
I know you will see this and just ignore it, but at least you can see how i felt. It doesnt really matter now though